Good afternoon, Jasmine! First of all, I just wanted to let you know that I really liked the color scheme and central background image you chose to decorate your google website with. I think that dedicating your site to focus and put an emphasis on how female characters of the epics we are reading in class are represented, is a really neat idea. Your introductory post was very informative and I think it was also pretty cool how you inserted a modern twist on an old story by the implementation of social media use for Lakshmi. I think having the stories of the other female characters told by Lakshmi is a great idea, as it really helps to follow along and visualize the stories as a whole, for the reader. I feel as if had there been more than one speaker telling more than one story, it would be a little more difficult to follow along with.
Hey Jasmine, I really like how you took a different perspective on your story by telling it from the perspective of the goddess herself. I have never heard of this goddess before. You also made her seem pretty relevant by saying she is using social media platform. Wow, one of her husbands was Vishnu! Even more wow, her brother is Brahma, I wonder how he feels about his. What made you decide to tell it from a first person? How did you choose the stories you would tell? I also liked how you explained a little bit about each of the people or gods that are involved such as explaining Vishnu and Brahma. I had never heard of Kamadeva,, what stories are here from? I think it would be a bit better if you were to expand more such as go into more detail. I am confused on why does she use an owl to transport. What kind of lessons does your stories tell children? Cannot wait to read more! Good job on the intro!
Good afternoon, Jasmine! I really enjoyed reading your introductory post about Lakshmi’s birth. I think it was definitely a good idea to split the story up into two separate tales, as you explained in your authors note that the original tail has a mass amount of detail for the reader to sift through. Like I said before, I enjoyed the story and I thought it flowed nicely. The only suggestion I wanted to make was minor, the part where you wrote “planning stealing” I might put “planning to steal.” Initially I didn’t know why the ending felt abrupt, but it makes sense as that is not the end of your whole story, simply the first part. I like how you broke up your paragraphs, as it made any transitions and change in speakers clear to follow along with. I am really looking forward to reading the Part 2 of your story!
Hi Jasmine, Excited to say to have found your story and to continue reading all about Lakshmi. It's such a coincidence that before reading your story I was just reading another classmates of ours story about Lakshmi's son Kamadeva and his life. I love how you are almost turning your story website into a social media for her and her life. You provided great detail and did not leave me confused on any aspect in the intro as some have so far. I am excited to learn about her three mounts but very interested in the Garuda as I am not sure what that is. I also look forward to hearing about how her life is still told in different ways today and especially to littles ones! Oh, and love the girly atmosphere to the website, gives a great idea of what Lakshmi's personality is like!
Hi Jasmine. It's interesting to read your story, because I am also focusing on Lakshmi, and I also chose the Churning of the Milky Ocean for my first story. I was intrigued that you decided to write this as though it were Lakshmi's social media platform. I think by having it be both stories of her life and her social media account it makes it too broad and a bit scattered, though. I think you should clarify what kind of social media. You could phrase it as her blog page, and make it more of her telling her stories from her perspective. Alternatively, you could just focus on stories about her, and leave off the bit about the social media. That would make a good storybook too. Your first story feels like the end was cut off. This is a storybook about Lakshmi, and you say this is the story of how she came to be, but then we focus on the Devas and Asuras and never actually meet Lakshmi. You also make a big deal about them getting the Amrita, but then never mention if they actually get it or not. The first story starts well, but just feels unfinished.
I love how you are doing your stories over Lakshmi. She is important to many Hindus. First, I would like to say that there is not clear cut sentence or indication of what your stories will be about. It seems very scattered. I am unsure of how you will be organizing your stories. Is it random? Is it based on family? It is nice how you are using it as a social media outlet, so you can edit it as so. You can add little side bars for decoration, etc. to make it truly feel like a blog of hers and a social media platform. Be creative! Also, I think you can add a link to "story one" so that it is easy access to the next story. It's just a small detail, so it is not necessary. Adding images of her family, transport, etc. can also be helpful to allow readers to visualize her better. She is one of great power, so showing her symbols and characters can be incredibly important and vital to bringing about an impactful story. I agree with the commenter above that you left your story hanging essentially. More detail and more research can being about a more full and precise story that will give readers all the information they need. You do a good job of demonstrating her story, but it could use a little more research to finish it up. Overall, great job!
Hey Jasmine, I like how your project is over Lakshmi I feel like we learned a lot about Sita in this class but there is so much more to her. I like reading stories about her where the main focus isn't on her being Rama/Vishnu's wife. I liked how the story was told from her perspective so we could see her perspective on all the stories involving her. I think this is a great opportunity to show how strong of a person she was. I really liked your story about the churning of the ocean. That was a story I'd heard before but I feel like your version was easier for me to understand. The main thing that I noticed from that story that might need a little work is the changing perspective. I feel like the focus shifts away from Lakshmi in the second half of that story. I'd like to see more about the part she plays in churning the ocean. I definitely think by choosing one perspective and focusing on her character the story will be easier to understand. Overall I really like the concept and what you've done so far! I'm looking forward to reading more of your storybook!
HI Jasmine. Your idea for the storybook is interesting. Focusing on one deity seems like a great way to do a storybook. I am sure there are many stories you can do for Lakshmi. The first thing that struck me about your storybook is the first-person narrative that you used for both the introduction and the story. The introduction does a great job of creating interest for the storybook. It connects Lakshmi to Vishnu and that raises interest. Your first story, I think, was really easy to read, but it did not sacrifice any depth to the story. It is very cool that you based your story off of a comic book that you read. I have been interested in reading one of those, but I have not had a chance to make it to the library. Great story, and good luck for the rest of the semester.
Jasmine, I love how your site is set up. From the beginning, it immediately grabbed my attention. Your introduction was pleasant to read as well because you have it told from the perspective of Lakshmi. I think this was refreshing because you were not just narrating the story of Lakshmi, but you embraced Lakshmi and all that has come with it. I am interested to find out how the owl mount came to be. I think it was clever to set up a background for Lakshmi as well and make separate posts for how the mounts came to be, and addressing any other myth associated with Lakshmi. It is definitely enlightening on who Lakshmi truly is and all of the stories surrounding Lakshmi. I look forward to other stories you are going to create and post. I think you have a very interesting angle regarding Lakshmi and are already off to a great start!
Hey Jasmine, I like your storybook so far. The intro, in the perspective of Lakshimi, was simple and easy to understand. I like how you had her explain who she was and many of the people she is related to that we will be seeing in the stories to come. Your first story was interesting. I found it to be a bit brief for what you were trying to convey but it did provide a bit of background for the Devas and Asuras. I understand that they are the counterparts of good and evil, but what makes that so? If the Asuras are a demonic race, are the Devas an angelic one? I kinda wanna know how to universe was run under the Asuras to really pain how awful they were. Seems interesting that the Asuras were so quick to want to work with the Devas. Is Bali an Asura or a Deva? I was confused about this part, it seemed he was an Asura but he wasn't really mentioned again in the story making me feel he isn't an necessary addition unless you're going to add more about him.
Great job with your storybook! I really liked how you took Lakshmi's perspective to tell these stories. I tend to like stories more when they are written from the protagonists point of view. For me, I think you are able to get much more meaning from the stories in this way than you would otherwise. I appreciated the background you provided because what little I know about each groups from the epics is almost immediately forgotten when we move to the next one. I find it really hard to keep up sometimes! It provided a nice reference to go back to through the rest of your stories. I think you have already done such a great job so far, providing a much more in depth look into her life that wasn't present before. I can't wait to read more in the future! Keep up the good work.
Hi hi Jasmine!! Looking at the overall design of your website, I noticed some decent design aspects. The banner images are all acceptable and thematically consistent. Its good that none of the images clash with each other but are also diverse enough to be decently flavorful. The fonts and colors are also good; sans serif fonts are generally better for electronic documents. I also have some recommendations for the website. Some of the story names are sub-optimal. You don’t need to restate the title in each story. Also, keep your story titles consistent, your second story has two different titles; it reminds me of bad Nintendo games, which always had inconsistent titles for some reason. You also don’t need to link to your own stories. Also, use the same font, font sizing, spacing, and formatting for your author’s notes and links. The homepage text also looks ugly and out of place, I’m not sure how to fix that.
Hi Jasmine! I really liked how you made the introduction, and actually the whole storybook, into a first person narrative. I, personally, have a much easier time reading prose that is in first person, and I also think the the stories are more personable when it is in that narrative. I thought it was a neat idea, that you mentioned that this would be her social media platform because if you think about it, modern day social media is about posting the stories of your own life. Now, it may not be as dramatic or influential, but it is similar, so I liked that comparison. Overall, the introduction was very good. The intro is very similar to the introductions we all had to make at the beginning of the semester, and I thought it was very thorough and detailed. I cannot wait to read your first story. I hope I like it just as much as I liked the introduction!
Hi Jasmine! I really enjoyed the first story of your storybook. I have never heard of any stories about Lakshmi, so this was a great one the start off with. I very much liked the classic conflict between bad and good, and this story was no different. Also, one of my favorite things in Indian literature is when characters or gods are able to do such vast actions with their surroundings like how they Devas and Asuras wrapped Vasuki around a mountain to use that to churn the ocean! Who would have thought that that was the way to be able to get the ocean moving? Overall, the story was well put together, but there are some spelling errors and organizational errors with your spacing in between some of the words. Other than that, I really enjoyed your story and cannot wait to read the next one!
Hi Jasmine, I like how you chose to do your storybook on Lakshmi. I feel like in this class we mostly got to know her as Sita so it was nice to see more of her story. I also like how you chose to focus your stories more on her as I feel like most of the Ramayana was about Ram/Vishnu. I thought your story was very well written and you included a good amount of description. I like how you included pictures throughout the story. I feel like this gave me a better mental picture of what was going on and helped keep me engaged. Overall this was a great story. One piece of advice I have might be to focus the story more on Lakshmi. I would like to hear more about the role Lakshmi had in the churning of the ocean. Maybe include some of her thoughts and feelings throughout this event? Good work!
Hey Jasmine, I really like the fact that you're basing your project on Lakshmi. I do not know much about her, but I am very excited to learn. I also like how you started off your project a different way, but then you chose Lakshmi because you were interested in her. I think thats one of the best things about the amount of deities in Hinduism. There are so many, and they're all so complex. The layout of your website is nice. I like the pictures you chose and the main color palette you're using. I also like the structure you have going so far. Im glad the first story you chose was one concerning the birth of Lakshmi. I think that gives the reader a solid starting point from where we can build from. I will say, if I were to suggest any changes, I think it would be the font and size of your author's notes. I think these notes are a space where you can include beneficial information that didn't fit within the story, and they're a bit hard to read now. Other than that, I really enjoy your project, awesome job.
Hey there Jasmine! I enjoyed your story book! It was so different and well thought out! I enjoyed all of the pictures and the attention to detail throughout your story book. I have not seen a project like yours in the class. I want to give you props for the creativity. The overall aesthetic of your story book was nice as well. One thing I'd like to mention is that while reading "How I was Born Part 2" I could not find the comment wall on the page. Maybe adding a link to it at the bottom would make it easier to access. Overall, it is 10/10! I have nothing but praise for your efforts! I can not wait to see you conclude your story book.
Hi Jasmine! I really like your idea for your storybook. It is very refreshing to see a new idea. I found it to be very creative that you took the form of Lakshmi and then told her story through your blog. Breaking up the birth into 2 parts was genius because you were able to really give all the details of the birth. I like how you have a good amount of pictures also on your blog it adds some color and keeps things from looking boring. Also good idea of having the authors notes and sources much smaller than the actual story. This is an idea that I will probably steal from you and implement into my own blog! I would beef up the last story you have. It also doesn't have authors notes or a true bibliography. If that's what was supposed to be there that's fine. I just think that that page seems a little light.
Good afternoon, Jasmine! First of all, I just wanted to let you know that I really liked the color scheme and central background image you chose to decorate your google website with. I think that dedicating your site to focus and put an emphasis on how female characters of the epics we are reading in class are represented, is a really neat idea. Your introductory post was very informative and I think it was also pretty cool how you inserted a modern twist on an old story by the implementation of social media use for Lakshmi. I think having the stories of the other female characters told by Lakshmi is a great idea, as it really helps to follow along and visualize the stories as a whole, for the reader. I feel as if had there been more than one speaker telling more than one story, it would be a little more difficult to follow along with.
ReplyDeleteHey Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you took a different perspective on your story by telling it from the perspective of the goddess herself. I have never heard of this goddess before. You also made her seem pretty relevant by saying she is using social media platform. Wow, one of her husbands was Vishnu! Even more wow, her brother is Brahma, I wonder how he feels about his. What made you decide to tell it from a first person? How did you choose the stories you would tell? I also liked how you explained a little bit about each of the people or gods that are involved such as explaining Vishnu and Brahma. I had never heard of Kamadeva,, what stories are here from? I think it would be a bit better if you were to expand more such as go into more detail. I am confused on why does she use an owl to transport. What kind of lessons does your stories tell children? Cannot wait to read more! Good job on the intro!
Good afternoon, Jasmine! I really enjoyed reading your introductory post about Lakshmi’s birth. I think it was definitely a good idea to split the story up into two separate tales, as you explained in your authors note that the original tail has a mass amount of detail for the reader to sift through. Like I said before, I enjoyed the story and I thought it flowed nicely. The only suggestion I wanted to make was minor, the part where you wrote “planning stealing” I might put “planning to steal.” Initially I didn’t know why the ending felt abrupt, but it makes sense as that is not the end of your whole story, simply the first part. I like how you broke up your paragraphs, as it made any transitions and change in speakers clear to follow along with. I am really looking forward to reading the Part 2 of your story!
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteExcited to say to have found your story and to continue reading all about Lakshmi. It's such a coincidence that before reading your story I was just reading another classmates of ours story about Lakshmi's son Kamadeva and his life. I love how you are almost turning your story website into a social media for her and her life. You provided great detail and did not leave me confused on any aspect in the intro as some have so far. I am excited to learn about her three mounts but very interested in the Garuda as I am not sure what that is. I also look forward to hearing about how her life is still told in different ways today and especially to littles ones! Oh, and love the girly atmosphere to the website, gives a great idea of what Lakshmi's personality is like!
Hi Jasmine. It's interesting to read your story, because I am also focusing on Lakshmi, and I also chose the Churning of the Milky Ocean for my first story. I was intrigued that you decided to write this as though it were Lakshmi's social media platform. I think by having it be both stories of her life and her social media account it makes it too broad and a bit scattered, though. I think you should clarify what kind of social media. You could phrase it as her blog page, and make it more of her telling her stories from her perspective. Alternatively, you could just focus on stories about her, and leave off the bit about the social media. That would make a good storybook too.
ReplyDeleteYour first story feels like the end was cut off. This is a storybook about Lakshmi, and you say this is the story of how she came to be, but then we focus on the Devas and Asuras and never actually meet Lakshmi. You also make a big deal about them getting the Amrita, but then never mention if they actually get it or not. The first story starts well, but just feels unfinished.
Hi Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteI love how you are doing your stories over Lakshmi. She is important to many Hindus. First, I would like to say that there is not clear cut sentence or indication of what your stories will be about. It seems very scattered. I am unsure of how you will be organizing your stories. Is it random? Is it based on family? It is nice how you are using it as a social media outlet, so you can edit it as so. You can add little side bars for decoration, etc. to make it truly feel like a blog of hers and a social media platform. Be creative! Also, I think you can add a link to "story one" so that it is easy access to the next story. It's just a small detail, so it is not necessary. Adding images of her family, transport, etc. can also be helpful to allow readers to visualize her better. She is one of great power, so showing her symbols and characters can be incredibly important and vital to bringing about an impactful story. I agree with the commenter above that you left your story hanging essentially. More detail and more research can being about a more full and precise story that will give readers all the information they need. You do a good job of demonstrating her story, but it could use a little more research to finish it up. Overall, great job!
Hey Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteI like how your project is over Lakshmi I feel like we learned a lot about Sita in this class but there is so much more to her. I like reading stories about her where the main focus isn't on her being Rama/Vishnu's wife. I liked how the story was told from her perspective so we could see her perspective on all the stories involving her. I think this is a great opportunity to show how strong of a person she was. I really liked your story about the churning of the ocean. That was a story I'd heard before but I feel like your version was easier for me to understand. The main thing that I noticed from that story that might need a little work is the changing perspective. I feel like the focus shifts away from Lakshmi in the second half of that story. I'd like to see more about the part she plays in churning the ocean. I definitely think by choosing one perspective and focusing on her character the story will be easier to understand. Overall I really like the concept and what you've done so far! I'm looking forward to reading more of your storybook!
HI Jasmine. Your idea for the storybook is interesting. Focusing on one deity seems like a great way to do a storybook. I am sure there are many stories you can do for Lakshmi. The first thing that struck me about your storybook is the first-person narrative that you used for both the introduction and the story. The introduction does a great job of creating interest for the storybook. It connects Lakshmi to Vishnu and that raises interest. Your first story, I think, was really easy to read, but it did not sacrifice any depth to the story. It is very cool that you based your story off of a comic book that you read. I have been interested in reading one of those, but I have not had a chance to make it to the library. Great story, and good luck for the rest of the semester.
ReplyDeleteJasmine,
ReplyDeleteI love how your site is set up. From the beginning, it immediately grabbed my attention. Your introduction was pleasant to read as well because you have it told from the perspective of Lakshmi. I think this was refreshing because you were not just narrating the story of Lakshmi, but you embraced Lakshmi and all that has come with it. I am interested to find out how the owl mount came to be. I think it was clever to set up a background for Lakshmi as well and make separate posts for how the mounts came to be, and addressing any other myth associated with Lakshmi. It is definitely enlightening on who Lakshmi truly is and all of the stories surrounding Lakshmi. I look forward to other stories you are going to create and post. I think you have a very interesting angle regarding Lakshmi and are already off to a great start!
Hey Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteI like your storybook so far. The intro, in the perspective of Lakshimi, was simple and easy to understand. I like how you had her explain who she was and many of the people she is related to that we will be seeing in the stories to come. Your first story was interesting. I found it to be a bit brief for what you were trying to convey but it did provide a bit of background for the Devas and Asuras. I understand that they are the counterparts of good and evil, but what makes that so? If the Asuras are a demonic race, are the Devas an angelic one? I kinda wanna know how to universe was run under the Asuras to really pain how awful they were. Seems interesting that the Asuras were so quick to want to work with the Devas. Is Bali an Asura or a Deva? I was confused about this part, it seemed he was an Asura but he wasn't really mentioned again in the story making me feel he isn't an necessary addition unless you're going to add more about him.
Hi Jasmine!
ReplyDeleteGreat job with your storybook! I really liked how you took Lakshmi's perspective to tell these stories. I tend to like stories more when they are written from the protagonists point of view. For me, I think you are able to get much more meaning from the stories in this way than you would otherwise. I appreciated the background you provided because what little I know about each groups from the epics is almost immediately forgotten when we move to the next one. I find it really hard to keep up sometimes! It provided a nice reference to go back to through the rest of your stories. I think you have already done such a great job so far, providing a much more in depth look into her life that wasn't present before. I can't wait to read more in the future! Keep up the good work.
Hi hi Jasmine!!
ReplyDeleteLooking at the overall design of your website, I noticed some decent design aspects. The banner images are all acceptable and thematically consistent. Its good that none of the images clash with each other but are also diverse enough to be decently flavorful. The fonts and colors are also good; sans serif fonts are generally better for electronic documents. I also have some recommendations for the website. Some of the story names are sub-optimal. You don’t need to restate the title in each story. Also, keep your story titles consistent, your second story has two different titles; it reminds me of bad Nintendo games, which always had inconsistent titles for some reason. You also don’t need to link to your own stories. Also, use the same font, font sizing, spacing, and formatting for your author’s notes and links. The homepage text also looks ugly and out of place, I’m not sure how to fix that.
Hi Jasmine!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you made the introduction, and actually the whole storybook, into a first person narrative. I, personally, have a much easier time reading prose that is in first person, and I also think the the stories are more personable when it is in that narrative. I thought it was a neat idea, that you mentioned that this would be her social media platform because if you think about it, modern day social media is about posting the stories of your own life. Now, it may not be as dramatic or influential, but it is similar, so I liked that comparison. Overall, the introduction was very good. The intro is very similar to the introductions we all had to make at the beginning of the semester, and I thought it was very thorough and detailed. I cannot wait to read your first story. I hope I like it just as much as I liked the introduction!
Hi Jasmine!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the first story of your storybook. I have never heard of any stories about Lakshmi, so this was a great one the start off with. I very much liked the classic conflict between bad and good, and this story was no different. Also, one of my favorite things in Indian literature is when characters or gods are able to do such vast actions with their surroundings like how they Devas and Asuras wrapped Vasuki around a mountain to use that to churn the ocean! Who would have thought that that was the way to be able to get the ocean moving?
Overall, the story was well put together, but there are some spelling errors and organizational errors with your spacing in between some of the words.
Other than that, I really enjoyed your story and cannot wait to read the next one!
Hi Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteI like how you chose to do your storybook on Lakshmi. I feel like in this class we mostly got to know her as Sita so it was nice to see more of her story. I also like how you chose to focus your stories more on her as I feel like most of the Ramayana was about Ram/Vishnu. I thought your story was very well written and you included a good amount of description. I like how you included pictures throughout the story. I feel like this gave me a better mental picture of what was going on and helped keep me engaged. Overall this was a great story. One piece of advice I have might be to focus the story more on Lakshmi. I would like to hear more about the role Lakshmi had in the churning of the ocean. Maybe include some of her thoughts and feelings throughout this event? Good work!
Hey Jasmine, I really like the fact that you're basing your project on Lakshmi. I do not know much about her, but I am very excited to learn. I also like how you started off your project a different way, but then you chose Lakshmi because you were interested in her. I think thats one of the best things about the amount of deities in Hinduism. There are so many, and they're all so complex. The layout of your website is nice. I like the pictures you chose and the main color palette you're using. I also like the structure you have going so far. Im glad the first story you chose was one concerning the birth of Lakshmi. I think that gives the reader a solid starting point from where we can build from. I will say, if I were to suggest any changes, I think it would be the font and size of your author's notes. I think these notes are a space where you can include beneficial information that didn't fit within the story, and they're a bit hard to read now. Other than that, I really enjoy your project, awesome job.
ReplyDeleteHey there Jasmine!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story book! It was so different and well thought out! I enjoyed all of the pictures and the attention to detail throughout your story book. I have not seen a project like yours in the class. I want to give you props for the creativity. The overall aesthetic of your story book was nice as well. One thing I'd like to mention is that while reading "How I was Born Part 2" I could not find the comment wall on the page. Maybe adding a link to it at the bottom would make it easier to access. Overall, it is 10/10! I have nothing but praise for your efforts! I can not wait to see you conclude your story book.
Hi Jasmine! I really like your idea for your storybook. It is very refreshing to see a new idea. I found it to be very creative that you took the form of Lakshmi and then told her story through your blog. Breaking up the birth into 2 parts was genius because you were able to really give all the details of the birth. I like how you have a good amount of pictures also on your blog it adds some color and keeps things from looking boring. Also good idea of having the authors notes and sources much smaller than the actual story. This is an idea that I will probably steal from you and implement into my own blog! I would beef up the last story you have. It also doesn't have authors notes or a true bibliography. If that's what was supposed to be there that's fine. I just think that that page seems a little light.
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ReplyDelete